Sonic Drive-In Agrees to Purchase Sonic the Hedgehog

[by Ralph “Big Ears” Guanhulio | Mar 3, 2021]

Privately-owned drive-thru franchise Sonic Corporation has announced on Sunday that they have reached agreements with Japanese video-game conglomerate Sega Corporation to secure the rights to their popular “Sonic the Hedgehog” character. Speaking at an investor’s conference, the Oklahoma-based fast-food company noted “This is big. HUGE. Look out Arby’s, you’re too slow.” – this drew a look of confusion and silence from the crowd.

Arby’s made waves last year when they purchased the rights to popular ’90s video-game mascot Gex–a move that experts say has resulted in an estimated 60% drop in quarterly revenue.

CEO of SEGA Corporation, in a newsletter to his employees, stated “We gave them everything but Knuckles. They can never have Knuckles.”

Meanwhile, Sonic Representatives indicated that we may start seeing Sonic the Hedgehog-related menu items and toys, as early as this Summer. “Look out for our revamped Chili Dogs coming April 3rd, as well as our Dr. Eggman, Bacon, and Cheese breakfast slammers” said head of marketing Wach E. Pach.